It takes a beating!

My heart, that is.

Isabella is still fighting sleep at night. I am more addicted than ever to taking pictures of her sleeping little angel-face since it's easier now that she has taken to sleeping with the lights on. It breaks my heart wide open...her little stuffed eagle tucked up under her arm (every night without fail it's a big production locating that dang bird) does little to aid in said breaking.

Another bleeding heart moment: Frustrated and at my wits end, school assignments coming out my ears and desperately needing a break from my offspring...I went to do some homework and saw this.

Oh my.

How can such a simple little gesture make my heart swell so big?

...please?

I am so glad that I snap pictures of Isabella whenever she is actually sleeping soundly. It is a nice reminder of the good ole days.
When she actually used to sleep.

But lately? Lately sleep has been something of a commodity.

She fights.

She plays.

She comes out of her room a LOT.

It's discouraging...especially when you know you have things to do, and bedtime is the only time you get to yourself. Sometimes I just get so frustrated....and then I feel guilty as soon as I see her sleepy cheeks.

But you want to know the hardest part of all? As soon as she IS asleep...I just want to go get her. Hold her, smell her, snuggle her.

If that is my only plight...I suppose I'm doing pretty well.

But my oh my...just sleep for momma like you used to...please?

I love.

Today was hectic. Isabella had to be dropped off, and picked up from school, she had a doctors appointment, I had loose ends to tie up before MY school starts back on Thursday, paperwork to pick up, Bella's prescription to drop off, insurance is no longer accepted at Walgreens so new pharmacy to find-ugh!

But tonight was simple. Pizza. Home. Family.

Oh, how I love simple. It is my very most favorite of all.

Isabella received a late Christmas gift...princess bingo! Oh and let me just say, we love princess bingo. Our sweet feller played too, of course. It's so much fun to listen to children talk while they're playing a game. They like to make up rules.

As usual, Jasper also joined in. He always has his snout in the middle of everything. I love this dog. If you don't pet him, he becomes most displeased and will waggle his muzzle even harder under your hand or into your leg. It works like a charm. Could not resist it even if I tried, and I don't ;-)

My man and I sported similar mu-mu pants...he showed up at the house in his mu-mu...isn't that the greatest thing? I love it when he does that. I love that he loves to come over just to lounge around with Isabella and me and play princess bingo. It's just another one of the little ways he shows me he loves spending time with us.

The littlest things can mean so much, can't they?

Littlest doesn't look like correct spelling when you type it out.

Isabella battled and fought her bedtime for three hours tonight. Three. Hours.

I am exhausted.

I am lucky.

I also love, that just now, out of the blue, he sent me a goodnight e-mail telling me how much he loves my creepy and socially awkward trick I do where I make it look like I'm sewing up my lip, and my Billy-Bob Thornton face, and my Ugliest-Face-Trick-Of-All: The Lipless Wonder

That these things have not 'done runned dat man clean off' is a wonder.

That was the best e-mail of all.

Perhaps, maybe, it probably just might be the best night of all.

Just a bunch of dribble.

Holy moly it's 2012! I really hope those Mayans were wrong, because I have plans for this year, ya know?

I love January. I really do (I also love Mondays) It's a new month in a new year, it's fresh, clean and unscathed. It's the perfect time for me take stock and align things for the coming year...meanwhile God is laughing and shaking His head at me. I'll never learn.

Even though I am excited for what's in store this year, I'm rather sad to see 2011 come to an end. We bonded, ole '11 and I. So many wonderful things happened to me this year and it is one that I will hold dear to my heart, alongside 2007, the year I became a mother. But 2012 is going to be a doozy, I can just feel it...something in the wind when it blows suggests a hint of change mixed with milestones. It's both terrifying and exhilarating but mostly it's just life, and boy how I love it when it's not being a big ole stinker.

I am downsizing lately and have been going through all of my moving boxes. I am proud to say that I am parting with more than I am keeping...although my collections of vintage pyrex would suggest otherwise. The dreary weather of late has put me in the full-fledged nesting mode. Today I behaved as if I were a 90-year-old grandma and I began organinzing my needlework station. I just hated myself a little as I typed that out.

But watching my slow transformation as my tangled mess goes from this...


...to this, makes me feel productive and stirs my creative juices. Something about seeing things in order just really gets me...I just wish I could keep those things in order, ya know what I'm sayin'?

I just had to take a break and go shnuggle Isabella. Something woke her, so she came padding into the room and you know? There is nothing more lovable than a sleepy tot. Her hair was all messy and her cheeks were rosy from sleep. She asked me to "cuddle her a little bit" and who in the world could refuse a request so sweet? I don't think there is anything I love more than snuggling her at night and smelling her clean little toddler head and kissing her sweet little sleepy cheeks. But when I was wrassling myself into her tiny little bed, I noticed the hoot owl I attempted to make last week. I was experimenting and the result was a clumsy little fellow that I ended up giving to Isabella to play with...when I gave it to her she exclaimed very loudly that I was the sweetest mommy in the world and that she loved this beautiful hoot owl. I guess she does love it...because it's already missing an eye.

Update!

Since my last blog post I have:

Turned 25.

Survived mid-terms.

Broken a rib.

Made lots of things.

Opened an Etsy shop that I never post products in because school owns me.

Gone on a couple of fun trips with my sweet fella who I love more than cake with buttercream frosting and stilletto heels.

Developed an unhealthy addiction to Pintrest.

Written about 35 katrillion things down for grades on subjects that I don't like.

Realized that it's 4 weeks until finals.

Chewed all my nails off after realization set in.

Then cried.

Rinse and repeat.

Isabella has:

Completed her first entire season of soccer.

Went trick-or-treating as the most adorable Cinderella I have ever seen.

Made lots of things.

Won a trophy that she loves to hold up in the air.

Changed her mind about soccer and wants to be a musician.

Contracted some creepy bumps from being around other children at preschool. (supposedly this is normal?!)

Got them burned off.

Got more creepy bumps.

Was briefly traumatized.

Is fine now, watching Wow Wow Wubzy in my bed and has really dirty feet.

There's more, a whole lot more...but for some reason I'm having trouble remembering much beyond my full name right now, and considering how long my name is, that feels like an accomplishment.

We have definitely been busy little bees...and now that it is November it's about to get even busier! We have officially started our holiday crafting. So bring on the fingernails coated in glitter and glue, the paint on my jeans, and the modge-podge in my hair. I'm so ready. Bring it on. BRING IT ON I TELL YA! Erm..sorry, I have an awkward tendency to get overly excited about anything regarding Christmas.

It's tradition, every year I make handprint turkeys with my gal. This year though, Isabella did everything herself . She's very proud of signing her name, though, I guess we need to work on writing the 's' in the right direction. These cute little gobblers will soon be winging their way to family members as a little Thanksgiving greeting.

This is today, this very afternoon. She broke my heart because she didn't want me to go to school, so I promised her that when I got home we would do a craft, and as soon as I walked in the door, she was ready :) I have been saving her shoeboxes to make "treasure chests" and today seemed like the perfect day to break 'em out and get 'em started. She concentrated very hard and has decided to give them as gifts which broke my heart wide open again because this little girl just loves to give things to people. Oh, notice the red on her cheek? Yeah. Markers. Not such a great idea.

I can't wait to get started on CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS!!!! Erm...sorry again. I can't seem to curb this urge to yell when it comes to the mere mention of Christmas. I guess some things you just never grow out of.

More shtuff

Some more ''shtuff'' that I have been crafting. Earrings that I fashioned out of those 97 cent buttons! I just cut the shank off the back of the button, then used a heavy duty jewelry glue and glued it to an earring post...and voila! I love these earrings. I love how easy it is to make them and I love how vintage they look.

Special thanks to my girlfriend for lending an ear for these photos...HA! I crack myself up.

I'm really trying to get my craft on right now...School starts back in less than two weeks and I'm carrying 19 hours this semester. Something tells me I won't have time to make much of anything unless it's graded.

Just stuff

I've been lazy lately, which typically would suit me just fine...but I've been feeling a pressing need to be productive before school starts back. I have been working hard to try and improve my applique skills. This is a practice shirt I made the other day...I take a picture every time to document my progress...but boy howdy I wasn't prepared for how much my baby's face ages and changes in just short weeks :(

She has completely lost her baby face and is morphing into full-on kid phase :( I'm just not ready. I just birthed her...she just learned to sit up on her own! This just can't be happening.

Being a mommy is a cruel kind of blessing. It hurts and feels good all at the same time.

Lately it seems like a big ole storm cloud of Tremendous Life Stress has been hovering over me. I've done well to shoulder it, and I've always been rather proud of handling things on my own...but slowly and surely my sweet fella has stepped in to be of assistance. He knew better than to swoop in and play hero. My stubborn nature would have immediately balked at that...but he has slowly been inching in and shouldering some of my worries, taking care of little things here and there because he said he didn't want me to go through things on my own. He has patiently and steadily dealt with my insecurities and loved me through it all. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

But that's a whole other blog post :)

Winter in July

I don't fancy the heat. It's not my favorite. Give me a blustery fall day, with autumn leaves swirling in the wind...or a frigid winter afternoon with snowflakes tickling my nose. But please...hold the wilting heat, what's the point? It's not enjoyable, and it makes me frowny.

I looked through some photos from January/February and it cheered me up quite a bit.

This is the most peculiar tasting lemon-flavored snow I believe I have ever tried...

Misc.

I'm home alone for the weekend. Typically I relish some alone time...but my parents live in the boonies and their darned dog barks at loud motorists and darkness.

Ima a little skeered here by myself at night.

I have been distracting myself by browsing Etsy...and I want these.

Earrings are a real weakness.


I put Isabella to bed roughly and hour ago...and I can still hear her upstairs running laps around her room. It makes me giggle that she thinks if her light is out, then I can't hear her. It sounds like a buffalo is tap dancing over my head.

I'm about to turn on some of these guys

I could never get tired of them.

Am I the only old-fashioned fart that still goes out and purchases an actual cd of the band I love? Something about physically owning it feels better to me than just having it on a playlist on some device. I am very old-fashioned.

I get on my nerves.

I love record stores and I was sad when my Blockbuster went out of business. I also have an irrational fear of road-side produce stands becoming obsolete.

I rented (yes, rented. As in, went out, browsed and procured) a couple of movies tonight, so in the words of my dear friend from Washington "Now is the time for brownies!''

Who?!

Today was one of those days.

I turned on the TV while I made Isabella and myself some dinner...she got quiet, too quiet. So I peeked around the corner and saw this...

Now, what has her so enamored? I busted out laughing when I saw what it was...

Why, the good Doctor, of course! I had turned on a little Dr. Who to enjoy while I ate my dinner...I never dreamed Isabella would take to it so much. She and I sat for over an hour watching it together. It makes me so happy to have her enjoy a little various and sundry geekery with me :)

Stuff and nonsense.

The sewing project I completes about...oh, ten minutes ago. I made one for Isabella and one for my niece, Sophia. I am officially addicted to applique. It rocks my world.

The things that perpetuate my nightstand. I would like to point out that the planner is NOT because I fancy myself so popular and important...but because my daughter is busier than I am and I suffer from occasional bouts of mommy-brain moments where I forget stuff. Chocolate (one is opened and half eaten, yep.) The two books I have neglected because I became so enthralled with reading The Help, and a framed picture of me and the love of my life at a baseball game.

Sidenote: This framed picture was gifted to me by the man himself...I went on a trip with my family, and when I returned I was greeted with a bag brimming with good chocolate and this framed picture. All together now ''awwwwwww"

He does stuff like that for Isabella too. He likes to ''spoil his girls''

He doesn't have any brothers...sorry.

My favorite magazine to flip through.

My four all-time favorite things I found for $1

1. Red polka-dot Nine West clutch. Inside is a chain you can use if you're not in the clutchin' mood. I swoon.

2. Vintage silver spoons I found at an antique shop in the Ozarks. I'm putting them in a shadow box, which will one day hang in my kitchen.

3. Laser buttons. I love these! They have 30's looking faces on them. I will use them to spruce up a cardigan for Isabella this fall.

4. Vintage hankies. I go ape-bananas over vintage hankies. I have about a dozen of them and dream of sewing one of those vintage hankerchief banners.

Things I keep in my purse or on my person:

1. Envirosax reusable shopping bags. They are awesome. Get some. These particular bags are adorable, they are in pastel colors and have recipes and cleaning tips on them along with cute pictures. The website has SO MANY styles to choose from. I want more. I'm greedy, albeit conscious of the environment.

2. GermX wipes. I had an entire bag-full given to me by my dearest friend and college mate after I embarrassed her by wiping down our desks every morning. I will say, neither she nor I ever got the flue that year.

They live in my purse and always will. And all God's people said Amen.

3. A pocket dictionary. What? I have a thing about dictionaries. There's nothing more humiliating than the mispelling or the mispronouncing...or *visible shudder* the misuse of a word. I have a dictionary app. on my phone too...but what if the battery died?!

A few things I obsess over. Burts Bees tinted lip balm, adds a touch of color and keeps my lips super soft. Persian Rose perfume, I have only been able to find it at Earthfare, but I adore the scent, it is lovely and light and smells just like a rose. I'm almost out which makes me sad. Lastly, grey nail polish. I love this grey nail polish. It is sleek and shiny and makes me feel hip. It actually lasts a few days before chipping and it's a neutral so it goes with everything...double score!

My two favorite articles of jewelry. My feather earrings and the pendent necklace which is actually my mom's...I have adopted it and am hoping she won't notice until the papers are signed and things are official.

What I am sewing for myself right now. I'm a sucker for vintage style clothing patterns. I'm currently making the black one on the left out of turquiose linen.

Make it so.

I think a lot in the summer.

Summer evenings in the south are among the most cherished times of my life. It's such a nostalgic time for me. Not only does it hold dear memories of becoming a mother for the first time, but the combined ingredients of the balmy air, the fireflies, the cicadas singing their everlasting anthem and the occasional smell of the garden drifting up to greet me on the porch swing...all of this, it breeds thoughts in my soul. Not the fleeting kind, but the kind that creep into your head and nest there, the kind that trigger personal reflection and encourage growth, the shaping kind.

I am content.

This has been the forefront of my thoughts.

Con*tent; (ken-tent) adj. Satisfied. Easy in mind.

I feel like it's pretty incredible that I am able to say this. I have things in my life that infuriate me, things that I wish I could sweep under the rug, things that just aren't fair. But that is just what they are...things.

We spend our lives living inside our own minds, but yet most of the time we don't know ourselves at all. I find that gradual process of acqainting oneself with one's psyche very fascinating. I like to imagine this as a life-long process, one that grows and ages much like the human body. It has taken me years of clumsy learning, but I think I have finally figured out one small facet, and that is how to set apart the ugly in my life so as to not have it bleed into my joys.

And I have so many joys.

I know that I am hopelessly flawed and always will be because I am human, I recognize in myself the weaknesses that I hate so much and I know that there are seventy-times-seven more of those for me to learn in my future. But without weakness there wouldn't be strength, and flaws and features go hand-in-hand. So I choose to focus on the latter of the two, because the others just make me feel frowny.

I am revelling in this summer.

The summer I became just a little more shaped. The summer I realized that I actually like who I am. The summer I realized with a blunt force just exactly what it is I want in life. The summer I learned how to prioritize the ones who matter most. The summer I found a love that leaves me in awe and makes me feel as big as the whole wide world.

The summer I discovered content.

Happy Father's Day!

Lemme tell you a little bit about my dad.

First of all, I blame him for why I am so picky about my fellers. He set the standard for how I expect to be treated. My entire life I have watched him wake up every morning and go to work to provide for his family, all the while expressing undying love and faithful devotion to my mom. So the bar is pretty high for the dude in my life.

Plus he has always brought all of his girls Godiva chocolates on special occasions.

Truth is, I have a spectacular set of parents. I could write pages about both of them, but this year in particular I'm noticing how each one is spectacular to me in their own way.

This year has been pretty tough on Isabella. She was confused and pretty mad at me. She took the divorce in stride, but I saw her mourn the loss of her normalcy, and the questions and intuitive comments have been more than a little off-putting. I worried a lot about her having that stable day-to-day father figure that is so important in a little girl's life.

I shouldn't have worried though, because my dad immediately stepped up to the plate and has been there every day. Offering all those important little things a girl needs from her dad. Morning cartoons, snuggles, sneaking her off to buy bags full of candy, playing outside, important life lessons...

He also grills the perfect steak.

This is what I wake up to most Saturday mornings.

Through all of the upheaval and tumultuous instability of the past year, he has been steady as an oak for us. Offering advice, words of wisdom, love and support. Taking care of us, providing for us, and encouraging me to keep my head up and plow through school.

In short, being the perfect example of a true southern gentleman.

An ode to Nutella

Sweet Nutella, there aren't enough words to say,
How you complete me in so many ways.

Even though you kind of resemble baby doodie,
You're off the hook, 'cause you sooth me when I'm PMS'ing and moody.

I often like you best piled on my strawberries,
If they offered a Nutella spa treatment, I'd have nary a hairy.

Sometimes I struggle getting my toddler to eat,
But spread on bread, you turn this struggle into a feat.

Oh, the places your sweet bounty can be spread...
I'd best stop thinking such foodie thoughts in my head.

More often than not I eat you straight out of the can,
Sometimes I think you're better than a man.

You're only rival indeed may be bacon,
Put the two of you together, and sweet foodie love we be makin'

I eat you on a spoon, on toast, on my waffles,
You give me a chocolate mustache 'til I look like John Stossel.

I would continue spouting my love and adoration,
But all of these foodie thoughts is causing hungry agitation.

So alas, I leave to procure a sweet snack,
But fret not my Nutella, for I will be back.

Homesteadin'

After spending eleven days with her dad, Isabella was very eager to get home to her crops. This farmstead comes to a screeching halt without her diligent overseeing. One of her favorite evening past times is assisting Lovie and Granddaddy in the gardens. At precisely this time last year, we excitedly collected caterpillars and put them in jars to document their phenomenal metamorphosis. No one was more excited than I, when we woke up one morning and watched them unfold their wet little velvet wings. It amazes me every single time.

This year we're leaving them in their natural habitat, but Isabella was quick to point out each specimen :)

She made my soul grin real big when she came out of her room sporting her ''work boots'' She clunked downstairs as fast as she could, snatched a popsicle (girls got her priorities, after all) and went outside to supervise the watering. She struck a few poses for me.

She's a ham.

I heard tell it's a hereditary trait, but I'm not a ham at all. Only on days that end in 'Y'

Melons! I biologically researched the soil, constructed the trellis, and planted the melons myself.

Really, I did.

Okay, fine. Sike.

But I did sit on the porch and offer moral support while my mom cursed her way through the building of the trellis skeleton. That's got to count for something. And I did read an article in the bathroom about the chemistry of soil.

On second thought, maybe you didn't want to know that.

Help me! I'm an over-sharer.

Happy Birthday sweet gal 'O mine.

This is Isabella last year on her third birthday. Notice the chubby toddler cheeks?

Boom.

This was taken Monday evening on her fourth birthday. I wept a little when I compared the two photos...how is that she can look so much more grown up in just one short year?!

Currently she is very much into the movie Cars, anything crafty, twinkle-toes shoes, going to the movies, working in the garden, hosting Olivia tea parties, playing her drum set and reading. She writes her name, reads small words, counts everything and enjoys sitting and studying her books.

She is so much fun right now. She has developed her own personality and is as quick as a whip. She is extremely independent (can't imagine where she got that from) I love this kid, girl after my own heart. She is my child through and through, from the tips of that red-head personality to the bottom of that stubborn spirit.

Sometimes I'll be watching that gangly body just pummeling through the yard...then she falls, nothing but a tangle of bony arms and legs, I'll hold my breath waiting for the tears, but nope! She jumps right up and keeps on pummeling, grinning and yelling ''I'm okay!'' That is my girl.

The part where I ramble on about stuff.

Change, something that used to be a four letter word in my little book of life, has now become the very soil that my soul takes root in. I used to balk at anything unfamiliar, solidly planting my feet in the ground and resisting any type of movement, no matter how simple the notion. My mind was made up, and if it was different…if it was change, then by golly, it was the enemy. I faithfully adhered to this set of principles until recently, when I was jolted into the realization that for the first time in my short-ish life, I think I might know exactly who I am, and I wouldn’t be that person, were it not for enduring a scary little bit of change.

Now, I’m not naïve, I know not all change is good change. There are indeed some horrible types of change, but I was even resisting the good change, so scared of the unfamiliar that I allowed it to hinder my growth. I think it’s easy to slip into this mindset, at least it’s easy for me. Losing sight of the big picture, and holding on tight to what is instead daring to consider what could be.

But I am so grateful for change, for the ability to realize that maybe if you don’t like your current situation, or who you have become as a result of it…it doesn’t have to be permanent…you can change.

It was fear of change that had kept me in its steel grip of misery for years. Until one day when I realized, I just plain ole didn’t like who I was. I was bitter, full of self-pity, weak in mind and in spirit. Always ready to place blame and feel sorry for myself and the situation I was in, but never doing tiddly-winks about it. Gosh I thought, this is ugly…I’m ugly. My first instinct was to wallow even more, because after all, that was what I was good at…but then I realized if I was ever going to like myself again, I had to break that cycle. I had to change. It took little sprouts of other types of change, dotted throughout my life, to season me and strengthen me for a task that I never would have been able to endure a year ago. I dwelled upon those, mustering up any type of strength I could from them. Then I rolled up my sleeves…because if there is anything I know about change, it is that it’s seldom ever clean.

Today I feel as though a slow and sometimes painful transformation has taken place, and through change, that horrid ‘’was’’ that I hated so much, has been shaped into an ‘’am’’ that I feel pretty darned confident about, leading me to believe that suffering and humbling, cleansed by brief respites of joy, must truly be life’s most effective character shapers.

Through all of this change that has taken place for me the past year, through all of these life lessons that I won’t soon forget, I have been formed into a better version of myself. A happier version, a more confident version, a savvy girl…someone I like and someone I would want to be friends with.

Whenever I feel that old bitter hand of fear trying to grope at my spirit again…I shoo it away, give it the finger and I move on.