Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Make it so.

I think a lot in the summer.

Summer evenings in the south are among the most cherished times of my life. It's such a nostalgic time for me. Not only does it hold dear memories of becoming a mother for the first time, but the combined ingredients of the balmy air, the fireflies, the cicadas singing their everlasting anthem and the occasional smell of the garden drifting up to greet me on the porch swing...all of this, it breeds thoughts in my soul. Not the fleeting kind, but the kind that creep into your head and nest there, the kind that trigger personal reflection and encourage growth, the shaping kind.

I am content.

This has been the forefront of my thoughts.

Con*tent; (ken-tent) adj. Satisfied. Easy in mind.

I feel like it's pretty incredible that I am able to say this. I have things in my life that infuriate me, things that I wish I could sweep under the rug, things that just aren't fair. But that is just what they are...things.

We spend our lives living inside our own minds, but yet most of the time we don't know ourselves at all. I find that gradual process of acqainting oneself with one's psyche very fascinating. I like to imagine this as a life-long process, one that grows and ages much like the human body. It has taken me years of clumsy learning, but I think I have finally figured out one small facet, and that is how to set apart the ugly in my life so as to not have it bleed into my joys.

And I have so many joys.

I know that I am hopelessly flawed and always will be because I am human, I recognize in myself the weaknesses that I hate so much and I know that there are seventy-times-seven more of those for me to learn in my future. But without weakness there wouldn't be strength, and flaws and features go hand-in-hand. So I choose to focus on the latter of the two, because the others just make me feel frowny.

I am revelling in this summer.

The summer I became just a little more shaped. The summer I realized that I actually like who I am. The summer I realized with a blunt force just exactly what it is I want in life. The summer I learned how to prioritize the ones who matter most. The summer I found a love that leaves me in awe and makes me feel as big as the whole wide world.

The summer I discovered content.